A Night Off

It’s funny how one moment can change who you are.

I sit here, alone in my house, with only my husband for company. The kids are spending the night with Grandma. I have the night off; I should be relaxing – at the very least doing something constructive, but instead, I sit here wondering how my oldest daughter is doing. Is my son picking on his sisters? Is my niece (who is spending the week with us) enjoying her time with her family?

Mostly, I wonder what in God’s name is wrong with me?! Can I not function without them?

From the time I conceived my first child, my world has revolved around them. That moment changed who I was. Artist, student, daughter, girlfriend – these defined me, but above everything else, I was a mother now, responsible for another human being who depended on me for life and love. That’s a tremendous weight to carry and I worry for them day and night. I’ve worried about them for the past fifteen years. I expect I’ll worry about them for the next fifteen years and beyond.

So much for having the night off…

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