I’m Not The Introvert I Thought I Was

So I’m not the introvert I thought I was. Don’t misunderstand me, I am still happy being at home, hanging out by myself with myself, or having minimal contact with humanity, it’s just not as fun as it was before.

You can liken it to a kid being given permission to do that thing that they normally aren’t allowed to do. Like staying up. It’s a novelty the first couple of times, but eventually, you just end up going to sleep at or near your bed time, because the result is not something you bargained for. No, you weren’t tired when you were sent to bed, but you were  the next morning, as you dragged yourself out of bed and forced yourself to get ready for the day, even though all you could think of was going back to sleep.

That’s how it is for me now. As an ‘introvert’, I’ve always looked forward to the weekend, because that meant I was able to stay home and chill. Yes, I had chores – a house to clean, a car to vacuum, laundry to do, books to edit, manuscripts to write – but I could stay home, avoid people and do them. And because it was only two days a week, the idea of staying home and doing this, day in and day out, was an illicit fantasy, something I could dream about, something I thought I wanted.

Then corona virus happened. For the first week or two, the stay-at-home time was great. I worked and kept my routine, reveling in the time I had to myself.

But it kept happening. Suddenly my office was too small, the exterminator who stopped by to give us an estimate was standing too far away for my taste, and I was actually starting to miss going into work.

And still it keeps going. It got to the point where I had to take a mental health day this past Friday, which is funny, because I was already home. I should have been able to relax, but even that had changed: there was no movie or social media to help me unwind, just a couple of hours of sitting on the porch, something I wouldn’t normally do during pollen season.

I know that I’m not alone in this. We are all going through this, in one way or another. And we’re going to make it through this pandemic, it just won’t be unchanged. We’re all going to walk away with the realization of how much we need each other – family and friends, but other humans as well. We were made for each other, and if we’ve learned nothing else, then we’ve learned this.

So that’s where I’m at right now. How’s your stay-at-home time going?

 

1 Comment

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  1. Some people and some media outlets keep saying “We’re in this together.” The reality, though, is that we though we may all be going through the same thing, we’re in it together alone — which isn’t the same thing at all. I’m an introvert and a homebody, but I’m nonetheless sick of this. Yes, I’m getting a lot of writing done, and yes, I’m enjoying my son’s company. (He lives 120 miles away, but when he was told to work from home he came to our place.) BUT . . .

    It’s still rough. The fear, the feeling trapped. I’m >65, asthmatic, and have had two surgeries in the last year. I figure I’m a prime death candidate. I don’t dwell on that, though, except at odd moments.

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